You can read Simon De La Rue's latest Rue-Minations below:
𝗔𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝘆𝗲𝗮𝗿, 𝗜 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗶𝗻𝗱𝘂𝗹𝗴𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝗮 𝗯𝗶𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝗳𝗮𝗻𝘁𝗮𝘀𝘆 𝘀𝗽𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗰𝘂𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻. 𝗦𝗼 𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲’𝘀 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝗻𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗲𝗻𝘀𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗜’𝗱 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗱𝗲𝗱𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗺𝘆 𝗳𝗲𝗹𝗹𝗼𝘄 𝗰𝗼𝗹𝘂𝗺𝗻𝗶𝘀𝘁 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗺𝗶𝗰𝗿𝗼𝗽𝗵𝗼𝗻𝗲-𝗯𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗿 𝗢𝘀𝗰𝗮𝗿 𝗣𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻, 𝘄𝗵𝗼’𝘀 𝗱𝗲𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘀𝗲 𝘀𝗵𝗼𝗿𝗲𝘀 𝘀𝗵𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗹𝘆, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗼𝗼 𝘀𝗼𝗼𝗻. 𝗕𝗼𝗻 𝘃𝗼𝘆𝗮𝗴𝗲, 𝗺𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗱𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝗯𝗲 𝗮 𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗿...
Guernsey FC save hundreds of pounds per away match after scientists in Austria discover you can test for Covid by holding an edelweiss under your chin and checking to see if it looks all shiny, thus obviating the need for inbound travellers to buy Lateral Flow Tests. ‘Blossom of snow, may you bloom and grow, bloom and grow forever,’ comments Mark Le Tissier, tunelessly.
The Green Lions announce a radical acceleration of their proposed move to Victoria Avenue. The club says it will be ready to play there next season, despite not having finished the plans yet, after adopting the same schedulers being used by Education, Sport & Culture for the reorganisation of secondary and post- 16 education.
After playing at home just twice in their last 12 matches, GFC’s game against Marlow is delayed by two hours, after the ref shows leniency to allow the home side’s management staff to make their way back to Guernsey for kick-off.
‘Sorry mate,’ Tony Vance mumbles into his iPad from Gatwick, ‘We knew we had a match today so we just got on the plane out of habit.’
GFC’s last game of the season is moved from Hanwell Town’s Reynolds Stadium to nearby Wembley Stadium to accommodate the visiting fans, after Aurigny make the mistake of offering a free Dry Robe to everyone travelling to the game. ‘This could ruin us,’ says CEO Nico Bezuidenhout. ‘Oh, hang on...’
Police investigating the disappearance and the equally mysterious reappearance of the Wheway Cup release a suspect due to ‘lack of evidence’ after several hours of interrogation.
‘All the Jersey winners’ names have been scratched off with a penknife,’ says Chief Officer Ruari Hardy. ‘Chris Dyer refutes any implication that he did it and he seems legit to me. In fact, he’s been very friendly. He’s offered to look after the Muratti Vase for us, as well. There he is with it now, getting into that taxi.’
Away from football, 2021 BBC Sports Personality of the Year Emma Raducanu comes tantalisingly close to becoming the first British woman to win the French Open since 1976, when she lets a two-set lead slip in an epic final encounter at Roland-Gaross.
‘I guess it’s pretty unusual to have two British players contesting the final,’ she tells Sue Barker, ‘but it’s not as unlikely as what happened at last year’s US Open. Anyway, after the way she’s played this week, Heather deserves it.’